Duk-tales: Iron Horse Run 2015 – Day 11

Duk-tales: Iron Horse Run 2015 – Day 11 – March 3, 2015

The Tale of the Bouncing Bladder! 

Crappiest night’s sleep on the trip was now out of the way. My sweet Mrs never fairs too well when I’m away on a trip and this time was no exception. Work was getting her overwhelmed and down (we work together in Property Management). Over the phone she begged me to abandon my ride and come home asap. What a dilemma! I was looking forward to accompanying Sparks on his quest to ride up the coast from Sydney to Townsville. A feat he had yet to cross off the bucket list. I lay awake thinking of how best to get back earlier than the planned Sunday arvo………

I was unlucky enough to get a mattress made of acupuncture springs & soft sag. I thought if it was raining fannies I’d get hit by an asshole coz this mattress was used by every hooker this side of Kings Cross. So I was up early as I needed to start heading for home, itching to get there by Friday night or Saturday morning  latest as to flaunt her fury would make it difficult to ever get away again without a divorce. Sparks was given the option to continue with Bazza but opted to come the short cut. First problem of the day, Sparks’ Street Glide had a pool of oil under the Right side pannier a sure sign that a shocker had sprung a leak. We could but put more air in for now and hope to get a repair on the way. So it was that we left Baz & Ailes to their leisurely trip north. Thanks for good times Baz & Aileen, Safe riding.

At this point in the journey I should like to describe one of the many key biker rules for long distance riding. ALWAYS EVACUATE BEFORE DEPARTURE. I did actually follow said rule before leaving Grafton however the deposit was less than rate of previous night’s input and I felt the need 15 minutes down the road. First stop Ballina was an hour away so the closer it got the more uncomfortable the seating arrangement became. 10 k’s out and a road works stop, more down time! “My bladder was pushing shit uphill in a battle for supremacy”. The Clarence River followed our progress from our left hand side and some miles passed before a river fork forced us across a lengthy bridge. The crossing gives a great feeling of accomplishment as we cheated the ferryman (speed cameras on the overheads). Ballina turn off, Sparks decided to give it a miss. “YOU BASTARD!” came to mind at a pitch enough to block out the Acca Dacca in my earphones. By the time we stopped at the Macadamia Castle I was running for the loo with painful abandon. Who put the fecking bog way down past the café, past the gift shop and down a corridor. Man I was Austin Powers after the cryogenic defrost. “Evacuation – beginning”, “Evacuation never bloody ending”. AHHHH-hhhhhhhhgggg………. And blow me if I didn’t get a repeat performance later in the day. Note to self, “fuel, drink, piss”. And make sure you finish the job. Goes for backing out the Buick too.

The Macadamia Castle does do a fair bacon & eggs brekkie so we ate and continued on the Pacific Highway to the Toowoomba junction. The freeway was awash with all modes of transport but a different ride for 2 country boys. I am not a fan of big city riding and couldn’t wait to get back on the open road. A sweeeet young 48yo lassie getting into her 2nd life (life after divorce) on a Honda nut cruncher near Ipswich who warned us that the road around Chinchilla was dangerous with young miners driving while fatigued. Several deaths on that stretch of road in the past year we were informed. She also said riding fast on a bike cooled her “hot” flushes (I really needed to know that). We started up for the Lockyer Valley on the Warrego Hwy with a Hercules circling above. What a huge food bowl, farms of green as far as the eye could see. Coming down into the massive cauldron was an eye opener and the straight roads gave up ample opportunities to have a look at the lands. From Ironbark to Postman’s Ridge until finally the jump up. Up the 10 degree climb for 5 k’s to enter Toowoomba at the apex, views to die for.

The Warrego Hwy after Dalby to Roma was very rough to the shoulders and as we approached a B-double who had picked up a number of groupies following, a Landcruiser with a trailer, a family in an RV and a Ford ute. Sparks rounded the whole possession in one and took off at the first sight of a straight, my reaction was quick but I lagged a little long before I noticed the oncoming Rig. Of course gunning the accelerator was the only option but as I did I could feel a “TWAING” like a guitar string breaking. No deceleration. By the time we made Warra (a small railway siding) I had a cruise control and Spark’s compensator is complaining. With 1,500 k’s to the Mt Isa Dealership we carefully considered turning back for the HD Dealership in Toowoomba. Nah! The compensator only activates when going up or down through the gears and Sparks would learn to compensate for the compensator as we went. We opted for an overnight at Chinchilla. Good Call! The local was having a topless night but truth is we were hungry so ordered a meal at the motel for 7pm so had to miss the optical exercises.

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